It's getting closer towards a year since J has been able to cope with full time school. He hasn't been able to have lessons in his classroom since before the Easter holidays last year. He is doing brilliantly though, and has come on leaps and bounds. He thoroughly enjoys his one-to-one lessons, and is happy to go around the school on his own delivering messages etc. He did half an hour on the classroom last week (with his TA with him) which is just incredible. We are hoping that he will, before too long, have a statement so that he can increase the number of hours he does, and slowly but surely reintegrate into school.
I've been asked a number of times lately if I have considered homeschooling him. And my answer is always a resounding No. There are a number of reasons why I won't do it.
To be blunt - I don't want to do it. I'm not, and never wanted to be, a teacher. I don't have the patience or the knowledge to provide him with the education that he needs.
I have four children, and there aren't enough hours in the day already. I can't provide enough time to prepare lessons and provide J with an education, whilst still being able to give my other three children the time and attention that they need.
But the main reason is that, in terms of J's long term future, I don't think it would be helpful for him at all. Don't get me wrong, he would love it. But what would we do when he's gets to 16 or 18, and he has been at home with me, and just me, all day every day. However difficult he finds social interaction now, I think that he would find it impossible to cope with if he was home schooled for the next few years. He needs to carry on being used to being around others, to make conversation, to do what his peers are doing. If we carry on supporting him, he can learn the social skills that don't come naturally to him. I can't see how a home schooled J would be able to cope with, for example, getting a job or living independently if he does not continue to be exposed the variety of social situations that school will provide. Being at home with just me all day every day would be unhelpful and counter-productive for him in the long term future, and only serve to make him even more dependant on me.
I think that it is mostly suggested to me because it makes life easier for a lot of people who are currently involved - that is, they don't have to keep trying new ways to get J back to school. If I home schooled him then the problem is instantly solved for them. But for us, it's not an option.
For what it's worth I totally agree with you. My experience of young people with Autism has without exception been that those who go out into the world daily throughout cope far better with everyday life, boyfriends/girlfriends, getting jobs, living independently and dealing with people than those who fall into a routine where they don't. I have a lot of respect for Home Education and it has its place with some Autistic youngsters, and I totally understand that being home educated doesn't mean staying in every day, but I feel it makes it far easier to slip into a routine whereby the young people do not mix with peers or have to face the wider world regularly, and it's so easy for anyone to become introverted or scared, let alone someone who is on the Autistic spectrum ...
ReplyDeleteWe homeschool after things got so bad for my son that there was no way i was prepared to keep putting him through what he was going through (really horrible stuff including bullying by staff as well as by other children, school records being falsified in the schools favour i.e. they were tippexing stuff a year after the event it concerned, inappropriate behaviour from headteacher and governors- just shocking stuff that we never thought we would ever witness in a school). For us and for our son it has just been the best thing we have done. He has had amazing opportunities that he never would have had at school, he gets far MORE social interaction than he ever got at school but in manageable doses, and academically he is just flying (two schools never spotted that he was gifted until the ADHD nurse pointed out that at age 6 he had ability levels of over a 16 yr old). Every child is different and schools are different so I don't beleive there is one right solution for every child (regardless of ASD - my NT son has thrived with homeschooling too both socially and academically). My only huge frustration is that like you say it removes the 'problem' from the local authority and from the school and they then provide no support (even though we have a statement and the nearest school that could meet his needs is miles away). Gosh - sorry didn't mean to be leaving such a long comment, but I suppose I am trying to say that I am someone who used to think homeschooling was not a good idea until we tried it :-)
ReplyDeleteI absolutely understand that, and know that home schooling is by far the best thing for a lot of children. And I am in awe of you for doing it. For us it is purely the issue that people are offering it to us as the easiest option - when actually (and just in this case) getting back to school is the best option. I completely agree that every child is different too. Never apologise for a long comment - thank you for taking the time to contribute, it's very much appreciated :-)
DeleteIt sounds like your son is making steady progress and if things had been moving positively for my J, then we would never have even thought about homeschooling. It really is wrong of them to be making you feel like you should 'have' to consider it. In our local education authority schools tend to 'get rid of the problem' in another way by excluding children with special needs (91% of primary school exclusions in our area were children with ASD, ADHD or similar) - i so didn't want my son to end up as part of that statistic when it was the school that was getting things so wrong for him. Hope you manage to get that statement and well done to your son for all he has acheived. My son ended up cutting down his hours more and more because things just got worse and worse for him so it is really great to see examples where things are moving positively. xxx
DeleteI also sent my sons to school although I did do a tiny amount of Homeschooling in their Primary years. Neither choices were a perfect fit for either of them - there were positive & negative experiences in both. If I had more time, more patience, more energy, more skill then perhaps I could have looked at a Flexi School approach & combined both. However, I needed time out to go to work (can't survive without an income) & build relationships with my other children so totally understand where you are coming from.
ReplyDeleteOne has developed more social skills and ability than the other but I think I think that's partly their different ASD diagnoses (Aspergers vs High Functioning Autism) and partly their individual personality traits.
Wishing you & yours continuing successful school days xxx
I completely agree with you about homeschooling. My husband and I have discussed it, since our son with aspergers will be of school age this coming year, and have come to the same conclusions as you have. It's great to hear another mom out there that has our thoughts!
ReplyDeleteI agree with you even though I have home schooled in the past. I believe that schools let us down a lot and they certainly did with my eldest two. My son was diagnosed with Asperger's at 12 and couldn't cope at secondary school, and they really had no idea how to deal with him. so I decided to home school him, which was a lot harder than I'd imagined but we eventually got help and a new school where he settled well. My daughter's problems a couple of years later were very different but again we were let down by the school. I home schooled her for a year and then we were offered help by means of teachers visiting her at home to provide her education to exam level.
ReplyDeleteI have nothing against home schooling and would do it again if the need arose, but it is not easy, particularly as they get older and you want them to gain qualifications.
I have been asked a couple of times about considering home schooling for my youngest, partly because six months ago he loathed school with a passion. He is ASD and struggles with early life trauma difficulties, he's adopted. However I would never consider it. Firstly for the reason that you give, I just don't think I'd be capable of providing a full well rounded education to my very bright son. I also know that as a parent I am much better at providing the support both my children need when I've had some space from them.
ReplyDeleteI am not in a situation where I have no alternative and in fact school has much improved for him, but the thought sent me a bit cold with fear when people mentioned it, not something I could ever see myself doing. So totally support you, it sounds to me like you've made the best decision.
I think that there are both pros and cons with homeschooling a special needs child. You raise some very valid points. Kids on the autism spectrum all unique individuals with unique needs. I'm sure you know what's best for your child!
ReplyDeleteHi Susan, I picked up your blog address on a post at Tots100 under the title New Blogs. I have nominated you for the Liebster Award which is a fun way of generating new followers for blogs that have fewer than 300 followers. I do hope that you would like to join in. To find out more about it, please see my latest post on my blog www.countryidyll.co.uk Thanks.
ReplyDeleteMy son has been dx w/Asperger's in the mids of a tumultuous first grade in a normal school. I got great, unburocratic support more by some teachers and the principal than from the special needs section who, dependant on funding, was already over quota for the year. We had to change class, he spent probably 60% of the year in the principal's office rather than in class. Eventually, we managed to turn things around a little but it's still an everyday struggle. As I was not working and having only this one child, I sometimes thought about homeschooling but like you, I believe that it would be totally counterproductive with all the social aspects of his asd personality. By the end of last year, he had some 'good' days each week and also integrated a group of friends - this alone made me think it's all worth it.
ReplyDeleteOnly this morning he asked me again WHY he can't do school at home and I have to say mostly because I am actually hoping to find a permanent job soon. Now, I LOVE to do educational and creative stuff with him, I think we already do a lot of 'homeschool type' play but it is definitively not an option for me.
This year he'll be integrated in the special needs unit as a funded student, so I am hoping we will get more out of it too..
I think it's actually upsetting that you get almost pressured (by school and care stuff??) to think about it at this point. I mean, it's different when they do not have the funds, or staff to actually provide the extra care needed.
I hope you come to a more stable situation with him at long term. in school. =)